All Aboard the RU Serious?

Guess you can tell that this blog has not turned into a serious discourse on hockey, or even sports for that matter. Maybe because I follow hockey and am so interested in it, you would think I have something serious to say on that.

I am not an extremely serious person; life is too short to not enjoy yourself. I want to have fun, I love to laugh. And, I get distracted by life too easily to make even a feeble attempt at a serious blog about hockey. What can I sincerely add to the blogosphere that could in any way compete with the fine people listed on the right hand side of this page? --------------------->

You want serious hockey stats, commentary, and knowledge? Click any one of those links and your wish will be granted. I read them all the time.

So, I’m not so sure what direction I want to take. This blog is a hodge-podge of entries. If you have read anything on my way back machine, you will see I do tend to climb up on my soapbox occasionally and vent. Things piss me off and I can’t hold back. That was one of the reasons I started my original but now extinct blog in the first place. Couldn’t expect my husband to take on my rants without him asking for a divorce at some point. He’s a good guy, but that would be more than a spouse should have to endure. Also, I’m not big into punching walls like a guy might; after all, I could break a nail!

I was thinking I might continue my little foray into hockey for blondes. When I first started getting interested in hockey, I didn’t understand a thing. It wasn’t until my first live game that I actually even enjoyed the sport to its fullest. And, man, did I pepper my husband with questions. Being the hockey fan that he is; he was more than willing to share his extensive knowledge with me. He laughed at me at first, but because I was willing to risk looking like a dumb blonde, we can now have lengthy discussions and true give & take on any aspect of a game.

That being said, there were still times I found an answer to a hockey question that really didn’t break it down into brain-manageable data. So, I thought, here’s a blog idea; got a hockey question you’re too embarrassed to ask? I’m your girl. I’ll ask anyone just about anything and I don’t really care about looking stupid. Gotten an answer you just don’t understand, I’ll convert it to blondespeak for you. Don’t think of it as dumbing it down; think of it as cutting through the bullshit.

I am concerned I would be viewed as attempting to compete with sites such as Scarlet Caps, although I would naturally add my own quirky sense of humor to it. But, not everyone gets me, so, it’s on the map quest of directions I might go.

I did receive excellent advice from a fellow blogger to add my photographs to my blog, which I did try. Photography is a major passion for me, but, once again, do I want look like I am trying to compete with other sites that have photographs on them? After all, just how many ways CAN you shoot Alex Ovechkin, Alex Semin, or my favorites; our Capitals goalies when you have limited access?

(Insert photo here)

Finally, do I want to even try to enter the blogosphere competition? Not to discredit the people who have read and commented on this blog, especially those that actually took it a step further and signed on as followers, your support and comments are greatly appreciated, but how far do I want to go to get the readership I know I would end up craving? I can be very competitive, as much as I hate to admit it. Just ask the people I pushed outta the way during the Victoria’s Secret Semi-annual sale.

So, while I try to figure out where I’m going, I’ll leave you with just one final, yet serious, question…Any answers?

Hockey in BlondeSpeak - Penalty Shots

(Semi-serious hockey post… yeah, right! Before I begin, anyone with any hockey knowledge who reads this and would like to point out any errors, please bash away, comments always welcome! But, I do not profess to be an expert, so please don’t expect 100% accuracy.)

I have questions, I want answers. What, exactly, constitutes when a penalty shot is called?

Let’s break this down, the blonde way. (Don’t get insulted, all you blondes. I am one of you).

So, the whistle blows and the zebra crosses his fists above his head. The crowd moans and the opposing team gets a penalty shot. Why, you ask?

 
 
 
 


Here is what the NHL says:

Rule 25 - Penalty Shot

25.1 Penalty Shot – A penalty shot is designed to restore a scoring opportunity which was lost as a result of a foul being committed by the offending team, based on the parameters set out in these rules.

And, 25.8 Infractions – Refer to the Reference Tables – Table 13 – Summary of Penalty Shots for a list of the infractions that shall result in a penalty shot being awarded (see specific rule numbers for complete descriptions).

There are four (4) specific conditions that must be met in order for the Referee to award a penalty shot for a player being fouled from behind. They are:

(i) The infraction must have taken place in the neutral zone or attacking zone, (i.e. over the puck carrier’s own blue line);

(ii) The infraction must have been committed from behind;

(iii) The player in possession and control (or, in the judgment of the Referee, clearly would have obtained possession and control of the puck) must have been denied a reasonable chance to score (the fact that he got a shot off does not automatically eliminate this play from the penalty shot consideration criteria. If the foul was from behind and he was denied a “more” reasonable scoring opportunity due to the foul, then the penalty shot should be awarded);

(iv) The player in possession and control (or, in the judgment of the Referee, clearly would have obtained possession and control of the puck) must have had no opposing player between himself and the goalkeeper.

Here is what Wikipedia says:

A penalty shot is awarded to a player who is deemed to have lost a clear scoring chance on a breakaway by way of a penalty infraction by an opposing player. A breakaway, in this case, means that there are no other players between the would-be shooter and the goaltender of the defending team. Generally, the penalty shot is awarded in lieu of what would normally be a minor penalty, so the fouled team will not get both a penalty shot and a power play from a single infraction.

According to NHL rules, various infractions during a breakaway that can lead to a penalty shot being awarded include: a goaltender deliberately dislodging a goal-post (delay of game), a defending player using a stick or any other part of his body to interfere with the attacking player, a goaltender or other player throwing his stick to distract or hinder the attacking player, or any other foul committed against the attacking player from behind. In addition to this, a penalty shot is awarded to the opposing team if a non-goalie player intentionally covers the puck in his own team's goal crease.

Here is what the Blonde Girl says:

BlondeSpeak: If an opponent, with no other player between him and the goalie, is denied an attempt to shoot and possibly score a goal due to a penalty on him from behind, he can be awarded a penalty shot by the ref.

Forget all the other conditions and requirements. Basically, if you see a player being given a penalty shot, the above in BlondeSpeak is basically how it happened and is probably all you really need to know. Whether we agree with the refs or not, they make the call.

Doesn’t seem fair, does it? I mean, there was no guarantee that the player was actually going to score! But, now he gets a chance to make another attempt, one on one, like a shoot out? Yeah, I don’t like it either. I especially don’t like it when it happens TWICE against our baby Bear goalie.

Penalty shots, like shoot outs, will give you a heart attack. They suck…Any questions?

When It’s Time to Change

No, do not expect me to get all maudlin because the end of the year is upon us. Even though Spring is usually thought of as a time for rebirth, I like to think that a new year is the perfect time for change. Not resolution changes, who the hell actually keeps resolutions anyway? But actual changes that don’t require a gym membership, therapist visit, or trip to the diet food aisle.

So, that being said, the following are a list of things that I am going to change starting now:

I will no longer drink  swear  be sarcastic  laugh my ass off at idiots …

Aw, fuck it, let’s go get a beer and enjoy ourselves!

Happy New Year!!!

Advocating Innuendo

(Disclaimer: This is not my usual style of post, but still an example of the way I think. No, I am not a slut. I just have an extremely filthy mind that is usually kept under wraps, but my husband & friends know all about it.  PLEASE read this with the humor that is intended! If you are easily offended or if this makes you uncomfortable, stop right here and go back to your Lifetime movie, I don’t mind.)

I love innuendo. And a recent Twitter discussion (with @SpeakoftheDevs, of course!), got me thinking along those lines. So, the epic snow of December 09 is still on the ground and I’m bored, and naturally my mind wanders.

There are so many hockey terms that can easily be used as examples of double entendre and sexual innuendo. Anybody who knows me will tell you; my next logical step would be that I take it to the extreme.

I’d like to propose a game. I thought of as many applicable hockey terms that I could and went online to get a few more. See if you can think up a paragraph about hockey using some of the terms from the list. It may be like homework, but, I promise, if you have a mind like mine (or like Carlos’), you’ll have fun.

One thing you may not know about me; I am a closet goalie fan. Not any goalie in particular, just goalies in general. To me, there is nothing better than watching a good goalie in action. Now, add some ‘hockey terms’ to the way a goalie plays and see if you can appreciate the double entendres that can be applied. It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to do a little homework without writing a paragraph myself (although rather tame as a precaution-don't want to scare off any timid readers who have gotten this far), so here is mine:

Who could not love what a goalie does when he’s in the net? I could watch them protecting their five hole all night long. And, I’d get between their pipes anytime, especially if the result is a biscuit in my basket. Even if they don’t personally pay the price for a penalty, I’d happily get in the sin bin with one of them. When they swallow up that puck, or spread out into the butterfly position, I melt like the ice in their crease. A goalie can light my lamp by just keeping a squirter from going through. There would be nothing better than a full strength body check into the boards from a goalie in my opinion, laying on the lumber with a little roughing added in. But, unfortunately, the only way I am going to score with a goalie is if my husband takes up hockey. On second thought, that’s not such a bad idea…

Here is the list:

Back Check
Banana Blade
Between the Pipes
Biscuit/Biscuit in the Basket
Boarding
Body Check
Butterfly
Cherry Picking
Crease
Curl and Drag
Dangle
Dive
Dump and Chase
Face Off
Face Wash
Five Hole
Forward Line
Full Strength
Grinder
Head Deke
Holding
Hooking
Icing
Kneeing
Knob
Laying on the Lumber
Light the Lamp
Meat Wagon
Poke Check
Power Play
Roughing
Saucer Pass
Shaft
Sin Bin
Soft Hands
Split the D
Three on Two/Five on Three/etc
Top Titty (FYI-I have never actually heard anyone use this term, but I did find it online & laughed my ass off!)
Wrap Around

Additional Joe B/Lockerisms (Caps fans will recognize these):
Dipsy Do
Kabong
Squirter
Squeaker
Swallow him up

Ok, so now you probably know more about me than my own mother does. If it changes your opinion of me in a negative way, that’s ok. Like I said at the top, this isn’t my usual style of post, I was bored and my mind wandered...Any questions?

Critical Thinking?

Critical –adjective: inclined to find fault or to judge with severity, often too readily.

If you are reading this, you are either a Twitter follower or may have been sent the link from a Twitter follower. Either way, if you haven’t already figured it out, I’m sarcastic and I don’t kiss ass.

I usually do not hold back when I am passionate about something. I’ll march on Washington for people’s rights. I’ll sign petitions to enact or preserve laws I believe in. I’ll give the shirt off my back and money out of my pocket to people who truly need help. And, I will defend my family, friends, and even my team when I feel they are being ‘threatened’. I am a lioness who protects her cubs. (*lioness* not cougar, to those that went there!)

So, when it comes to criticizing, let’s differentiate it from constructive criticism.

On occasion, I may have said something regarding the Capitals that could be considered a criticism as described above. I try not to, so if there is something out there, my apologies. Show it to me and I’ll happily delete it. I hope I have shown one and all that my allegiances to my team are sincere and realistic. I do not post rants saying that the coach should be fired. I do not spew rhetoric that the General Manager does not know how to do his job. I do not assume to know how to play hockey or run a hockey team. And I find it repugnant when people who claim to be fans of our team do just that. These types of comments are the criticisms that get my dander up.

I’ll grant you; these people are entitled to say what they wish, where they wish and when they wish. The First Amendment to the United States Constitution, grants them this right. But, the First Amendment also grants me the same right, which I choose to exercise to the fullest. Hopefully, I accomplish this with a little more intelligence, but that too is a matter of opinion; I’m ok with that.

On the other hand, there is an army of people out there who write blogs and news articles. In my mind, the majority of these people offer constructive criticism of our team (see my list of a few of my favorites on the right). I read these blogs and articles. I usually learn from them. Most are people whose knowledge I trust and rely on to further my understanding of the game. Their opinions are usually well thought out, well written, and well researched. Yes, they may disagree with my opinion on things such as our goalie or our defensemen, but I am open to what they have to say. They, in turn, are also open to what I have to say. (And on the rare occasion that I do comment on one of their blogs, it’s usually one that 'gets' me, since I tend to gravitate to like minded people.)

I try to be nice. I try to be tactful and diplomatic. Sometimes I fail. But, if you are going to use public forums to bash our team while you claim to be a fan, go ahead, but be prepared for a fight...Any questions?

Dear @NHL_shop,

At the risk of total ostracization from the NHL, male hockey bloggers, and Twitter followers in general, I would like to write to you concerning to your tweet posted today, 11/3/09, regarding your ‘line’ of ‘Women’s Fashion Jerseys’. I would like to think I speak for a multitude of female NHL fans when I say; excuse me?

When you offer a line of clothing to female hockey fans, do you do any market surveys with women hockey fans?

I am quite sure there is a market for this line of pink jerseys that you are promoting to women. There must be, otherwise you would not continue to offer them. But, and I would like to emphasize BUT , please recognize there are so many women hockey fans that do not wish to wear pink jerseys. (Here are some words to live by-pink is for lingerie and Breast Cancer Fundraising).

If the NHL would offer ‘regulation’ style jerseys in team colors with a women in mind, we would all appreciate it and probably swamp your store with orders. It is very difficult to find women’s hockey jerseys that are actually made for a woman, let alone ones that come pre-customized with a player's name and number. In searching online and after reviewing the comments in reply to your posting, I can see that many women feel it is a relentless endeavor.

In the hope that I can persuade you to consider our pleas,

I would like to direct you to a recent blog article called “Sexism and the NHL third jersey: Female fan's plight, fight” written by Greg Wyshynski on his Puck Daddy blog, dated 10/30/09, where even though he is writing about NHL Third Jerseys, this could be applied to all NHL team jerseys. He states:

This might all seem like quite a mountainous molehill, but it speaks directly to the problems many female fans have had with the League's marketing approach. Creating a female-cut version of a third jersey seems like such a fundamentally sound decision -- the jerseys are usually more visually striking, in a fashion sense, than the usual gear -- that it was rather stunning to discover that they aren't available.

Is it possible that women's cut jerseys are available off the Web, or that they're on the way? Sure. But for now, it's either a pitiful oversight or, worse, an intentional decision not to tailor these jerseys for female fans in the same way that traditional home jerseys are; either way, it needs to be rectified by the teams that aren't currently offering them.

Secondly, is it possible to find a line of clothing whose name is not insulting to women fans? I am speaking of “Be Luv’d”, “touch” by Alyssa Milano, and “Ice Flirt”. These names are a connotation of the image of the female hockey fan as the proverbial ‘puck bunny'. I would be embarrassed to wear any clothing with a trade name such as those, and I am sure I am not alone in this.

Finally, I would like you to consider the role the NHL, (and thereby; the NHL Shop), plays in the marketing to women fans. Among many of the responses to your posting regarding the ‘fashion jerseys’, (and yes, I must put that in quotes, because there really is very little that is ‘fashionable’ about them), I would like to call your attention to a comment made by @sweetestofdekes,

“@nhl_shop, in fact, I'd like you to meet my master's thesis on marketing hockey to women sometime. Have your people call my people.”

I have read her thesis, and find it extremely well written and informative. Not only speaking as a feminist, which I am, but as a female hockey fan, there is a lot the NHL could learn if you broaden your thinking in regards to women fans.

So, as much as I, and thousands of other female hockey fans, support the NHL, the NHL Shop, and our home teams, please realize that our complaint isn’t so much the pink jerseys, as it is the lack of women’s jerseys in team colors that we would be proud to wear to any NHL game. Offer those in addition to the pink ‘jerseys’ and we’ll happily and quietly scoff at the ‘Women’s Fashion Jerseys’ while we attend our NHL games feeling like our voices and opinions matter to the NHL…Any questions?

The Smell of Desperation in the Morning

Gonna be short and sweet here. It is one thing to kiss ass, sometimes it’s a necessary evil. It is another thing to be so immature that you reek of desperation.

Desperation for acceptance, desperation for love or friendship, desperation for credibility.

Think back on what you have said and done. Reread your Facebook and/or Twitter postings. Try seeing them from another’s viewpoint. If you can be objective with yourself, you might just recognize that sickly aroma.

If your postings include:

~Any whining about not having a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife (try match.com),

~Replies to people outside of your own circle of actual acquaintances; trying to give yourself status or an ‘in’; where you would normally not belong (obey the do not enter sign),

~Suggestions on how something should be done or could be improved upon (like you’re one to talk?),

~Any time you didn’t get a response and felt like you’ve been left out (is that the sound of crickets I hear?),

~Taking credit for someone else’s idea (we know who invented the elevator and it wasn’t you),

~Something you thought was ‘cute’ just to try and get some affirmation (cute is for babies and kittens),

then you are coming across as desperate. Sad but true. These things will not garner you acceptance, only pity or ridicule. Not quite what you were looking for, was it?

Unless you are totally brain dead, you know when you are doing this. You think to yourself, ‘if I say *this*, then people will think I’m cool’, or ‘if I get *Elvis* to reply to me, people will like me. But, trust me on this, the reek of desperation is there, we smell it…Any questions?